Valentine’s Day has never been easy. As a twentysomething, if you’re not in a relationship, you probably dread or ignore the holiday since you don’t have a Valentine yourself. If you’re kind of seeing someone (but not really) Valentines Day is awkward because, umm, do you get them anything or not? And if you’re in a relationship, you have to either rush to dinner after work or postpone the holiday. And are you supposed to wear red or pink during the day at work? Or is that too cliche? You probably wish you could go back to the ‘easy’ days of elementary school when all you had to do was exchange Valentines with each other… but, my friends, you must remember – it wasn’t that easy!
First of all, the boxes of V-day cards came with, like, a certain number of cards and everyone in your class had to get one. You couldn’t get a box with 31 Valentine’s saying ‘You’re cool’ and 1 Valentine saying ‘I really like you!’ It didn’t work like that. So you had to sit down on the floor in front of these cards and decide which ones you were going to give to which people. You couldn’t give your crush a card that was too obvious! And you didn’t want to give someone random – or even worse, someone of the same sex – a mushy card. But you had to give them all out, no matter what. And they basically all said ‘Be my Valentine!’ or something along those lines. It was such a dilemma.
Not everyone dealt with this dilemma though. Remember getting cards from guys who had amazing penmanship? Yeah, that probably wasn’t their writing. Like, you actually thought their parents weren’t involved?! I highly doubt every 8 year old boys was out there signing and sealing their cards… they just did the deliver part. They were too busy playing with their power rangers and mutilating their sisters’ barbies (the hair!!! where is the hair?!) to spend time writing stupid cards to stupid girls (COOTIES… THE FEAR LIVES ON).
We read into the messages on our Valentine’s Day cards like we read into texts now: way. too. much. But we really shouldn’t have cared. It’s not like so-and-so gave us a Valentine for a reason. They gave it to us because they had to. And if it said they liked you, *newsflash:* so did all the other cards. Or did they…
Here are a bunch of v-day cards you definitely will remember from the 90s and who I would give them to now:
1. For the guy who looks like cute from behind, but not from the front:
2. For the random girl who sits across the room:
3. For the drama queen:
4. For the fat kid:
5. For the cool kid (I am, like, sooo cool too. I have Barbie Valentines!):
6. For the ex (you jealous?):
7. For the anorexic one (It comes with a pack of Nerds — eat them!):
8. For the one you don’t like:
9. For the crush (they’ll never guess you like them with this Valentine… they’ll just think you’re cool):
10. For the guy you’ve never spoken to:
11. For the class hottie (she’ll take you on a ride alright):
12. Also for the class hottie… the one you fantasize about:
13. For the boy who sits 3 desks down (#Random):
14. For the loner:
15. For the Asian:
16. For the one you’re not so sure about:
17. For the teacher:
18. For no one. This one would most likely be left in the box because it’s WAYYY too… forward:
19. For the BFF who stays up laughing all night with you at sleepovers:
20. For the rich kid:
21. For the most popular girl in class (the second most if that’s you):
22. For the guys… from the future class lesbian:
23. This one actually has nothing to do with Valentine’s Day (but you gotta love the Powerpuff Girls):
24. This one also has nothing to do with Valentine’s Day (there aren’t even any hearts — I don’t get it):
25. I would never send this, but would get it from the guy whose parents were stuck in the 80s:
26. I would also never send this one, but it would be from one of the nerdy guys in class (like, I actually remember getting this):
27. For the BFFAEAEAEAEs (lylas):
Do you remember any of the above Valentines? Which were your faves? Do kids, like, even do this anymore? Or no because everyone would have to get the same message on their cards and everyone is allergic to candy… and probably paper, too? Fucking kids these days. Bring back the 90s!