Hello. My name is Sam and I am addicted to French Fries. I would literally eat french fries for breakfast, lunch, and dinner every day for the rest of my life if that was socially acceptable. Like, leave me stranded on an island with a lifetime supply of fries and I would be fine. WHO NEEDS FRIENDS WHEN YOU HAVE FRIES?!?! But seriously.
Sometimes I think I might just be addicted to all things involving potatoes, but that’s like saying I am into all things involving penis. French fries are to potatoes as big dicks are to men. And my type is French Fries.
Here are 10 signs your type is french fries too. Here’s to a life full of love and happiness together with carbs, calories, and YUM.
1. You often eat french fries as a meal, not a side.
They will never be your side piece. They will forever be your main course.
2. You know it’s not about size with french fries — SHAPE DICTATES EVERYTHING.
For some reason, if they’re curly fries or waffle fries, you automatically know they’re going to be amazing. As for those make-in-the-oven smiley fries? Nahhhhh, you could go without.
3. When on a diet, you panic when friends ask you go out to eat because you can’t go to a restaurant without ordering french fries.
When people say “get a salad,” you look at them in disgust because you can’t simply go to a restaurant that serves french fries without getting french fries.
4. So if you ARE peer pressured into going out to a restaurant when you’re trying to eat healthy, you order a salad but then you cave and also get a side of fries.
Salad and fries: the meal of champions. It says “I’m healthy, but I’m also not healthy.” Sorry I’m not sorry.
5. You choose your brunch locations solely based on the type of home fries each restaurant serves.
You don’t want no roasted potatoes. You want some crispy ass home fries that are basically the same thing as french fries, they’re just a different shape.
6. And sometimes you actually order french fries instead of home fries with your omelet at brunch because you’re terrified that the home fries will look like this:
7. You can’t order pizza without getting a side of fries.
It’s your only flaw.
8. Truffle fries are fan-fucking-tastic, but although you love them, you secretly prefer greasy, crispy fries.
When you’re pretending to be fancy, you eat truffle fries. When you’re being yourself, you ball out with some high calorie, fried-as-fuck fries. You need nothing else in life.
9. You would rather have french fries over candy, ice cream, chocolate, bread, etc etc.
You would basically rather have french fries over… anything. FRIES OVER ERRYTHANG, ya dig?
10. If faced with the choice, you would choose fries over sex.
Some people like to fuck. Some people like to eat pizza. You like to indulge in crispy ass french fries. IT’S FINE.