I’ve always had extremely thin and straight hair. Growing up, friends would express their jealousy towards my hair. They would be amazed when I would say I didn’t blow dry or straighten my hair and that I ‘woke up like this.’
Meanwhile, I was jealous of everyone else’s hair. I wanted curls. I wanted volume. I wanted to be able to do that ‘messy bun’ everyone had their hair in from 2001 to 2006. But I couldn’t — because my hair was thin, straight, and boring.
While I totally appreciate the fact that my hair is easy to maintain (except when it falls out in the shower… and on the bathroom floor… and on the bedroom floor), I still wish my hair would do more than nothing.
Here are the top 10 reasons having thin hair is a major struggle.
1. Volume is nonexistent.
I’ve tried volumizing shampoos and volumizing moose. I’ve tried blow drying it for thirty minutes with the hopes of it becoming ‘big.’ I’ve tried putting in dance recital amounts of hairspray. But no matter what I do, my hair always ends up stuck to my head.
2. Playing with my hair pisses people off.
My worst habit is that I am always either making a mustache with hair or stroking my face with it. But it’s like, sorry, I can’t help it that my hair is so nice and smooth. It feels like I’m rubbing a cat’s fur against my face. I can’t help it.
3. It becomes greasy really easily.
Especially after I play with it, which is what I spend 99% of my day doing, help.
4. I can’t do anything fun with it at the hair salon.
I always ask my hairdresser to give me more volume or to make me look like Kylie Jenner, and she is always like, ‘you need extensions for that.’ I have to get the same hairdo every time I get my hair cut. It’s not fair.
5. If I pay to get my hair curled, it falls out in approximately 10 minutes.
Why pay for to get something fancy done to your hair when it will become straight again right after you leave the salon? But I want to drink champagne and get my hair blown out too! But it is a waste of money. Ugh.
6. Once my hair goes up in a pony tail, it can’t come down unless I wash it.
The pony crease is out to get me. And the headband crease, because I need to wear a headband whenever my hair is up or else wisps of hair will stick out from all over my head, which gets really annoying during barre class.
7. I have to wash my hair every day or else I will start to feel very disgusting and my scalp will start to itch.
This means that getting ready is always a process. My friends always say they’re going to shower and not wash their hair to get ready faster which makes no sense to me. I have never taken a shower and not washed my hair. What would the point be? At least I don’t have to straighten my hair I guess, although I did in the 8th grade because everyone else was doing it, which probably destroyed my hair. Ugh.
8. Half of my hair falls out every time I shower.
I’m not even sure how I have hair because every time I rinse out my hair in the shower, I end up with strands of hair in my hands, which leads to the next struggle: Where do I put these strands? Do I put them on the shower wall? Do I try to run them under the water with hopes they will fall down the drain? I’m still trying to figure this out, 27 years into having hair.
9. My hair also falls out when I brush it.
And because of this, my hairbrushes are full of hair. It just knots so easily. Sometimes it even falls out in knots, like when I was in the 4th grade and I had a Chinese Staircase hair wrap in and the entire thing fell out IN ONE PIECE. Even a hair wrap wouldn’t stay attached to my scalp. My scalp is evil.
10. No matter the season, my hair will either become gross from the heat or insanely wild due to static electricity from the cold.
My hair really just wants me to stay indoors and wash my hair every five minutes. Why is life so hard?
For now, I will continue to pretend I am Kylie Jenner.