Being a woman is great. You get compensated equally in the workplace and in Hollywood. You get to a carry a baby inside of you for nine months while the person you made the baby with doesn’t. And you get to have a vagina, which is like really super great.
All jokes aside, vaginas are actually the worst. Never mind the fact that they look pretty fucking disgusting, they are really just annoying as hell. I mean, yeah I guess I would rather have a vagina than a thing that would hang from between my legs and would probably weigh me down as I walk, but that doesn’t mean I worship my vagina for the queen that she is. Because yeah my vagina is a queen, but she is also a prissy bitch who is responsible for a lot of life’s problems. So, in other words, my vagina is me. Just kidding, but also not.
Maybe you agree with me, maybe you don’t, but vaginas are actually the worst. Sure, I wouldn’t want to live without mine because I enjoy sex, but vaginas are the reason for pretty much all the problems that occur from sex.
Here are the 26 worst things about having a vagina.
2. Giving birth. I’ve never done this, but one would assume.
3. Having to sit down whenever you go to the bathroom.
4. Or having to attempt to squat and pee all over the seat.
5. When your underwear goes up your ass.
6. And also when it goes up your vagina.
7. Having to shave all the time.
8. Or having to pay to get it waxed or for laser.
9. Or not shaving it and having to deal with a bush, although I’m not sure if people still do this.
10. Having your period, obviously.
11. Panicking about not having your period.
12. Fearing that you forgot to take your tampon out and that one has taken residence inside of you.
13. When you have sex right before your period and wind up with a pre-period surprise when you get blood everywhere.
14. When someone sucks at eating you out and you just want it to stop.
15. When someone sucks at fingering you and you’re just like GET OUT OF HERE.
16. Having to be the one who takes Plan B and deals with both the consequences of the pill and it’s ridiculous cost if your suitor does not pay.
17. Having to go to yet another doctor (the gyno) which means more money to spend on your health. Women should get more money towards their health care plans, just saying.
18. Also having to take birth control, which I guess isn’t a vagina problem, but you have to take it because of your vagina so…
19. Pap smears.
20. Yeast infections, the evil, more disgusting twin of the UTI.
21. Queefing, which is definitely one of the worst words in existence, but it must be said on the list.
22. Having to use toilet paper whenever you go to the bathroom. Men don’t have to do this.
23. Having to air your vagina out when you encounter a bathroom where this is no toilet paper.
24. When you’re sitting on the toilet peeing in a public place and the toilet automatically flushes and the water hits your vagina. Gross.
25. Ingrown hairs.