Before getting into a relationship it is important to know what you want in a companion. For years, I’ve been jumping from boat to boat with different guys that were all sorts of wrong for me. After a breaking point, I committed to taking a break from dating (at any level) for the rest of the year for various reasons, and it’s given me a lot of clarity within myself including on what I want and deserve in a partner.
Here are 10 qualities my future husband needs to have.
1. He will be kind to people. You know the rule on a date where you see how he treats the waiter? Same rule applies here but to everyone. I want a man who is kind to his colleagues, friends, and family. And by kind, I don’t just mean nice, but a person who does good and treats them with respect.
2. He will treat me with the same respect in public as he does in private. It shouldn’t be a secret to his friends how much he loves me. I don’t expect him to hold my hand the entire time we are out, but if he’s not nice in front of his buddies, he’s not getting laid later when we go home.
3. He will start/continue on a career path. And this means already employed. I’ve dated guys that are “going to school,” or that “can’t find work.” Enough is enough. I’ve worked my ass off to finish school and start my career and I deserve a man that is on the same page as I am.
4. He will be supportive in the bad – as well as the good. Sure, it’s important to have a shoulder to cry on. But sometimes it’s easier for people to be there for the rough times than for the celebrations, ironically. I am a hard worker and I want my husband to be someone that can be proud of the success that comes my way rather than intimidated by it.
5. He will want to be family oriented. I completely understand that people don’t come from the best families, and if my husband doesn’t want to be around the family he came from that is his business. However, he needs to be devoted to the family that we will have, may it be us as a couple, with kids, or even just with the twenty dogs I want to own.
6. He will be level-headed and understanding. I am anything but level-headed, especially in emergencies, and need someone to be that balance for me. My husband needs to be understanding and try to see things from my perspective as I would do the same for him in order for our marriage to be successful.
7. He will want to do more than “Netflix and chill.” Sometimes spending all day inside doing nothing is absolutely necessary, and what that’s code for is almost always fantastic, but I also want a companion who seeks adventure as much as I do. I want to travel, and have days doing fun and simple things like going to a quirky shop and getting ice cream or going to a concert. I want a marriage full of memories and experiences.
8. He will show dedication to our relationship. Passion is one of the most attractive things in a man, as long as it’s the right passion – not borderline obsession. I’ve dated guys with passions for sports, drugs, work, and getting as many girls as they can. My husband needs to have that much passion for our relationship.
9. He will be considerate of other people. We all know men can only process so many thoughts at one time and that’s okay, as long as their heart is in the right place. I don’t need him to deep clean the house (in fact, I’d prefer he just let me do it my way), but he can at least clean up after himself.
10. He will not be stubborn. Guys are known for being stubborn, whether they are lost on a road trip or in a fight. I know fights are bound to happen in a relationship. The man I marry needs to be willing to talk things out rather than just clam up and not talk to me at all until I say I was wrong. He doesn’t always have to take fault but an occasional apology when he realizes he’s wrong and a discussion of a disagreement is absolutely a requirement in a marriage.
Marriage takes more that just these things, but I feel these are minimum standards. If a guy wants to marry me (or any girl) he should at least have these qualities in order to have a happy marriage.