1. Getting to a dinner reservation on time. And then dealing angry friends who were not able to be seated because the “full party” needed to be there or the hostess telling you that your reservation has been cancelled because, well, you pretty much suck.
2. Getting to the pre-game sober before everyone is about to leave. You could have just met everyone at the bar and pregamed by yourself at home! Now you are sober AF. Shots? Shots anyone? You must catch up to these drunk animals that are your friends AND QUICK.
3. Paying money for a concert or sporting event and missing the beginning. Or the whole thing. So much for all the money you spent.
4. Arriving late to a movie and having to ask everyone to stand up so you can get to your seats. You’re the worst.
5. Sneaking into work, walking by everyone already working at their desk, and wondering if anyone notices you. They do. Especially if you’re wearing loud shoes.
6. Setting your alarm clock 30 minutes to 2 hours before you will actually wake up. Sometimes you kid yourself that you’re going to wake up early and workout. Other times you kid yourself that you’re going to wake up and make breakfast. Other other times you kid yourself that you’re going to shower. In reality though, you’ll snooze until the last possible second when you realize you’re now set to be approximately 10-20 minutes late for work. Great.
7. Trying to get along with type A people. Stop trying to make a friendship happen. It’s not going to happen.
8. Deciding whether or not you are running late enough that you have to inform someone. And then running even LATER because you took too long deciding what to do.
9. Having to tell people you’re late while you’re already scrambling to get somewhere. Now that you have to take a minute of your time to email or call someone, you are now going to be THAT much later. Your lateness is no longer your fault. It’s theirs.
10. Coming up with new excuses as to why you are late. Yesterday I couldn’t find my keys, the day before I had a stomach ache, so today I… had to take the cat to the vet. But wait, I don’t have a cat. I do now…
11. Actually believing that 5 minutes is the same thing as 30 minutes. They’re all numbers so therefore, they’re all the same.
12. When you think you’re going to be on time and you hit traffic.
13. When you think you’re going to be on time and the train decides to not show up. Or lose power. Or kick you off because it is apparently now “out of service.”
14. When are actually on time or early but no one is there to notice. Oh cool. Everyone decided to have appointments and be late today. You should tell them about your accomplishment! Or not. Your accomplishment is their daily grind. Sigh.
15. Not knowing if the party is really starting at 9 or if you were just told to get there at 9 because everyone assumed you’d show up at 10. Regardless, you know what time the party REALLY starts…
16. That one time you showed up somewhere on time and ended up being the first person there. You then had to wait for everyone else to get there and it was pretty much the worst. This is the reason you are always late. Waiting SUCKS. Why not make everyone wait for you instead? Seems fair.
17. Fearing being early because people might wonder what’s wrong with you. Your shtick is being late. You should probably just stick to that.
18. Thinking that “late” is “on time” and “on time” is “early” because, well, it is for you. Omgggg, I’m going to get to the office so early. I can get coffee now and just be 10 minutes late. That’s NOTHING. After all, when it comes down to it…
And you are THE QUEEN. The queen of being late of course.