Welcome to January. The worst month ever.
I am such a grim reaper right now. Life post-holidays sucks. But… this only means that life will feel amazing as soon as spring rolls around. I mean, you have to get through the bad to get to the good, right? Can you imagine if life was awesome ALL THE TIME? You would never be happy. You would just be like “whatever” all the time. So even though shit sucks right now, embrace it and keep looking forward to spring. It’s coming. Just, like, not yet.
So for now, complain as much as you can about the following. The more you complain about now, the more things you’ll have to to be happy about come May! YAY MISERY!!!
1. You’re back at work. And if you worked through the holidays, now everyone is with you back at work. And it’s, like, fucking go time. There’s so much to do. But you don’t want to do it. Can you go to bed? No? FUCK.
2. You’re pale. And there’s no possible way for you to tan without risking your health in the near future. You basically have a ways to go of looking absolutely horrible in pictures. Not that you take pictures anymore because you’re fucking boring and stay in all the time now. Whatever.
3. You’re fat. Sweatpants are all that fit you right now and it’s not okay. The holidays made you hefty and now, you’re screwed. Or not screwed, because you’re too embarrassed about your fat to take off your clothes in order to be screwed.
4. It’s too cold to take your clothes off. Which leads to a lack of sex, and this is not okay.
5. You’re on a diet. And diets suck.
6. A million people are at the fucking gym. MAKE THEM GO AWAY. You just want to work out in peace 🙁
7. You’re broke. You just haaaaad to get presents for everyone didn’t you? When do you get taxes again?
8. If you’re single, you’re cold. Spending winter without a cuddle buddy sucks. Remember when people wanted “Fall Boyfriends”? They really should have been looking for “Winter Boyfriends.” If you get one of those, you can just ditch them during summer, nbd.
9. It’s too expensive to go on vacation. So you’re stuck… FOR-EV-ERRRRRRRR.
10. You know the end of Peppermint Mochas at Starbucks is coming. And even though it’s not happening any time soon, it still makes you sad.
WINTER IS LIKE SO SAD HELP