First there was the Royal Wedding, in which people all over the world tuned in at odd hours in the night to watch the pretty, ‘normal’ Kate Middleton marry Prince William. Then there was the post-wedding coverage, in which people all over the world read articles and looked at pictures of the couple – mostly Kate – doing normal people things like walking and sitting (stars! they’re just like us!). People became obsessed with Kate’s good looks, kind heart, and style. Especially her style. She was shopping at places like Zara and, like, we can (kind of) afford Zara too (once again – stars! they’re just like us!). And in her every day casual preppy outfits, she was doing stuff to help people. Damn her, we thought. She has it all.
People were memorized by Kate’s ability to always look stunning in a ‘normal’ way even after casually transitioning from average person status to Princess. Like, now that she’s a princess shouldn’t she be wearing a crown and ball gown at all times? Shouldn’t she be making Prince William do everything for her? Shouldn’t she not have to do any work and hang out by the pool drinking margaritas 24/7? I mean, that’s what I would do if I was a princess…
Basically, Kate is a saint and I love her just as much as the next girl… but, umm, what’s the huuuuuge deal about the baby news? Are people really that surprised? I mean, it’s great that she’s pregnant, but it’s certainly not breaking news… or it is – but it shouldn’t be.
For the past year, the tabloids have put out a new story about Kate maybe being pregnant once or twice a week. We’ve had the possibility of a royal baby embedded in our brains for a long time and now that one is currently in the works, it’s not a surprise. The prospective baby gossip was built up far too much. It was like the paparazzi that cried pregnancy. We kept hearing rumors and started to believe it would never actually happen. And then we kept hearing those rumors and we got so sick of them that we started not to care. We knew they were married. We knew they wanted a family. So… It was inevitable (I can’t even write that word without thinking about Brad Pitt now).
Even before the pregnancy rumors, it was expected. Although Will is a Prince and Kate is (now) a Princess, they are human beings. They fell in love, they had sex, they got married, they still have sex – just not safe sex anymore, and now because the sex is no longer safe, they will probably end up having a kid or two. That’s life my friends. So why are we all acting so shocked that Kate is pregnant? Why was US daytime programming interrupted to report breaking news that Kate Middleton is pregnant? Why did this news continue to be breaking into today? And why are news anchors traveling to London to cover the story when Kate is actually in the hospital and will go back home after to rest? The girl had sex and got pregnant! Why don’t these journalists go back in, say, nine months or so and cover the story when the baby is almost ready to come out of the womb. Right now, it’s too early. Kate is tired and busy. And that’s just common sense. I didn’t have to go stand outside the royal palace to figure that one out. Anyone can cover this story without having to read more than a simple tweet from E! News: ‘Kate Middleton is pregnant.’ It’s not rocket science. She had sex and got knocked up. I mean seriously. Stars. They really ARE just like us.
…And by us I don’t mean the actual us. I know no one reading this actually wants to have a child any time soon. But, like, Kate is us in the future. Rich, stylish, married, fit, and pregnant. Right?
So what’s next? What will the tabloids spend the next nine months talking about? I’m already prepared to walk through the self checkout line at the grocery store staring at the ‘KATE EXPECTATIONS’ headlines (that was actually a serious headline in a London newspaper… and if you don’t get it, it’s a great expectations pun)… I’m also prepared for what’s to come after that. Rumors of Kate going in and out of the hospital. Rumors of Will’s infidelity. Rumors that Kate has lost the baby. Rumors of what Kate is naming the baby – Will it be a crazy name like Blue Ivy? A trendy name like Hashtag? Or a normal, popular name like Sophia? And after all this we will definitely hear rumors that Kate has had the baby four months early just because the people at Star magazine couldn’t wait any longer. LIKE, WHAT IS THE BIG DEAL. It’s a baby. It will happen. And if it doesn’t, we should probably leave her alone because that would suck.
This baby would also be just like all other babies… but instead he/she will be a ROYAL baby. Royal meaning his/her life will be totally and completely consumed by the tabloids. That’s what the title of royal and/or celebrity really means. Right?
So I conclude… celebs. They’re kind of like us. They do things we do, but in their case everyone winds up knowing up about it. I sure as hell wouldn’t want to be a celeb…
…Or would I?